In the future we'll all be gay
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
