you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
