Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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