I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize