I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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