Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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