Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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