didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
