I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
a search helicopter?!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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