Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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