ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
