I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
