I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
