listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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