The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize