I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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