super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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