Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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