two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
