He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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