I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
