About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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