Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
