i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
