my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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