You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
