um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
