so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
