Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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