Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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