Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
