Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
