Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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