Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
