so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
