If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
