Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
