they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
