New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
