We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I FOUND THE LEGS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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