we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
