No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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