Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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