so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
