I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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