Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
