Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
