he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
