I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You took a bar mat shot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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