Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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