You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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