please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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