Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
