I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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