his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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