i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
