I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize