theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
