I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
