just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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