my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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