I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
