U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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