I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
