you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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