She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
