Yo dont text me then not text me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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