i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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