hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am available for nakedness
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
