Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
