can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
