Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
