Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
