well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
