Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
