a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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